Oh Tuesday, back again. Sneaking up on me again. Where do these weeks keep going? Cynthia and I are linked up for another round of tri banter and chatter!
Except, today I may not be totally on topic; triathlon that is.
My life has felt beyond chaotic lately and with running being so limited for me now and my tri season over, I will admit, I haven’t done much of the skill development most are probably thinking of when they see the theme for this week. But honestly, I have been building my skills. Lots of them. All of them.
How is that you might ask?
We posted way back when about that training-life balance, but I feel like right now I’m in a tailspin of trying to rebalance my life. Balance is the skill I’m working on. Work, life, training, PT, upkeep on my house, my marriage, all of it.
Work is such a drain on me right now. Starting a new job is tough, but coming off working out of an office doing public health the last almost three years, jumping back into teaching is like a million times more work with nowhere close to the amount of quiet work time or downtime. I use every second of my planning periods doing work and this week I’m stuck on hall duty in the morning, meaning the extra half an hour I go in early to work is now off the table. I still can’t print from my classroom so I’m dealing with that ever mounting frustration. Teaching three grades, being on my feet all day, meeting all my new co-workers, learning all my new students, trying to fit in, trying to stay ahead in my planning, trying to keep up with all the extras beyond teaching that are required. It’s just overwhelming.
My only basis for comparison is my year at Rochester where I was treated horribly, made to jump through hoops just to survive, and hated every second of my professional life. It’s hard for me to not have the horrible feelings and emotions I dealt with then resurface now. I’m in such a nice district and school, but I’m so nervous and anxious that for whatever reason that will all crumble. I’m nervous I won’t do well, or the administration won’t ask me back. And it’s all crazy, I know it is, but I just can’t shake not feeling good enough. And I’m trying so hard to work on developing my teaching, my classroom management, my professionalism. I want to do great. I just hope I can start to shrug off my insecurities and just enjoy being back to doing what I love.
And I have yet to come home from school yet and not have a million things I need to get done or places I need to be. I still have PT twice a week, yesterday was running a dozen errands, crappy ones too like paying our homeowners insurance. Byeeee moneyyyyy. I just feel busy.
Oh, and you saw where I mentioned my marriage? My new schedule does not play nicely with Hubby’s. When I worked 9-5 at the Council we saw each other for an hour or so in the morning then again for another hour when I was home for lunch. But now that my schedule has shifted back two hours and I can’t go home for lunch, we don’t see each other. I leave the house by 630am, when Rob is still sleeping because he doesn’t get home from work until 1130 or midnight, which by then I’m long since passed out. We literally are going to bed Sunday night and not seeing each other again until I get home from school Friday afternoon. It really freaking sucks.
And running, ha! Working out, oh yeah, let me just carve some time and headspace out for this! I haven’t swam since Iron Girl, the only biking I’ve done is a handful of solo spins on the spin bike, and I’ve just started “running” again in the last week or so. The rest of me is so busy I’ve been keeping strictly to my prescribed runs from my PT and nothing extra. I want to be doing more, but I’m just so overwhelmed by everything else. I guess this is my most tradition “skill” I’m working on right now. I have two half marathons, the first of which is less than six weeks away, and I’m only running two miles of intervals one or two times a week right now. I should take bets on how much people think I’m going to crash and burn during my October race because a hundred bucks says I’m a god awful mess for it.
I was running yesterday and thinking about my October half. It was supposed to be my A road race this year. It was supposed to be my sub-2 hour half marathon. And now, now if I can even finish it’ll be a miracle. I was doing two minute run intervals and felt like I was completely suffering. I just raced a half Ironman two months ago, finished well under 7 hours, and with energy to spare. And now over five weeks off running and I feel like I’m so far behind I’m sitting six feet under square one.
I tried to focus on my form a bit today. I look at my race photos and cringe because my form is disturbingly awful when I run. I did four of my many two minute intervals on focus on form – run like normal – focus on form – run like normal. And wouldn’t you believe what happened the two where I didn’t focus on my form 10:26 and 10:13 respectively. The two where I did 9:56 and 9:52 respectively. All my other intervals where I didn’t focus on my form were all over the ten minute per mile mark. And this didn’t cost me any extra effort. Looks like my next skill I’ll be chewing through will be my running form.
I’ll get there. I’m registered for a 5k this weekend and my plan is to run the whole thing no matter how slow or terrible it feels. It’ll be my first “training run” for half marathon “training.” And at the end of everything I will remember why I love to run, and teach, and enjoy life. All the craziness, it will always be worth it.
Next week’s theme is RACE PLAN! Have a race coming up? Let us know how you plan to crush it!