One more week of school. One more real week of school. Last academic week. Survival mode activated. Just survive, just survive, just survive.
This past week, I don’t know even know. School was hard. I’m so busy. My classroom is unbearably hot and humid. I’m exhausted. I come home from work at 3:30 and just crash.
I got in zero workouts this week. Zero.
The closest thing to a workout I did was helping Rob with some manual labor house related stuff. Water in the basement because it storms every day some how. We’ve never had water in the basement before. We could see roughly where it was coming in and since we sealed the inside last year and it’s obviously not working we turned to the outside. That meant digging up our front landscaping, digging all the way down the footers of our foundation roughly seven feet down. Then the walls needed to be cleaned, tarred, covered in plastic, and have all the dirt replaced. And we had about 24 hours to get it all done before the next slated storm rolled in. While Rob held me from doing as much as I normally would, I still stood out there raking dirt, shoveling, and doing as much as I could being pregnant. I would have done a lot more, but Husband is pretty hesitant for me to be doing much of anything strenuous.
Maybe it’s my lack of workouts, but I’m feeling very nostalgic lately. My facebook newsfeed was full of nothing but happy race related posts and photos all week. My tri club chat has been dinging up a storm on our group message. And I’ve been trying not to fall asleep at 4pm while clutching my ass cheek because my sciatic nerve is apparently on fire.
I’m feeling very lost. I want to run, I want so badly to ride my bike with the wind at my face, I want to feel the rush, the pure emotion that comes with crossing a finish line.
I know having a baby will be worth it. I know she will be my everything. But right now I selfishly want to feel like me again. I want to swim and bike and run like I always have. I want to help my husband do work on our house. I just want to be and feel and be treated normal. I want to feel as free as I feel every time I cross a finish line.
Maybe I’m just feeling the sads because Ironman Syracuse is this weekend and instead of racing along side one of my athletes and multiple club members I’ll be standing at the finish line seeing everyone else’s joy but not experiencing my own.
It’s time for me to take a deep breath and try again this week. My sights are still set on Ironman Chattanooga 2016 where my husband and daughter will be waiting for me at the finish line. Hopefully. But September of 2016 is still a long ways away, so right now I guess I’ll focus on running this week. I’ll put my trainer tire on my bike and set that up once the basement is situated. And when I’m done with school in two weeks I will swim again.
I will take things day by day. I will continue to hold onto my dream. I will teach my daughter that anything she wants is possible with enough hard work and determination and commitment. And then I will prove it to her. Because my dream will never expire.