I was planning to put a well thought out post together, but I’m not quite feeling it. My Tuesday was rough, but for no particular reason. I’m just tired and kind of bored and stressed at the same time.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmingly emotional lately and I just sort of figure it’s for no real reason either. Not one I can pinpoint at least. Anything vaguely fitness inspiration related makes me tear up, which is unlike me. And I spent Tuesday night on the brink of tears for a reason unbeknownst to me.
And on top of that, the bit of knee pain I experienced after my half marathon a few weeks ago has reared it’s head again. Yesterday I could barely walk in the afternoon and after pretty easy base run that was my only knee stressing workout.
|One size fits most is never nice for my self esteem. Look at that leg bulge. Thick girl problems.|
I felt it during spinning Tuesday night and ultimately bailed about 15 minutes early. I was just not in the mood, not working as hard as I normally would, and my knee was hurting. Plus my favorite instructor isn’t teaching the 5:30 class anymore and that makes me sad. The new girl is okay, but I miss chatting with Ellen.
So a phone call to my sports med doctor is in order now. I was going to wait until my follow up appointment for my hip and just have them check my knee then, but I don’t think I can hobble along for two and half more weeks. So I’ll call about my knee and make them do something about my hip too. The pain has mostly subsided, but the swelling is still horrendous. Looking at my legs straight on, the outside of my right thigh is so swollen and bulging.
On top of all this my weight is still up. I have an unhealthy relationship with food that I’ve been fighting since my early teen years. I just can’t anymore. My mood has been so up and down lately. It’s just frustrating. And now I go to implement my base building training plan and it’s like my body is fighting me. It’s not fair and it’s not okay with me.
I feel like this accurately sums up my life right now. That checkered flag could be one of a million things, pick one, any of them, all of them.
I guess that’s it. I don’t really have much else to say other than I feel frumpy and sad and betrayed by my body. But, life will go on I’m sure. And sooner or later I’ll get over those hills and through the storm and reach out and grab that checkered flag. Someday.